Unchained Darkness

It took time, but I knew, I knew I knew that name. And yes I've heard it before, many years ago in stories from MSN Chat, one of the most viscious and vile characters that existed. I always thought him just that, a myth resigned to the history books. As it turns out some legends have truth to them, and he is older than time itself, inhabiting many over the centuries, evil and pure evil at that. And now it's in control, I've had to limit my contact, he scares me, cruel and calculated. I pray his Mental Health Team are smarter than whatever that is that inhabits my friend, because if he gets friend god help anyone in its path. Yesterday I spent time with him, not by choice, someone has to take blood, do all the tests we need to make sure the human element is healthy, but as calm and cold as ever his words came, he wants to hurt me in ways I can scarcely believe, he also threatened Emily, so I hope your proud of not only destroying him, but my life and that of my little on...

Do you know what the hardest part of my job is? Holding yourselkf together, despite what the residents will say, or do. Keeping yourself focused on their recovery. Its an outlet for them, a way to deal with their own demons. But never in 17 years have I ever cracked under their words. Until today! We ended up having to restrain our mutaul friend, he managed to rip out some of the stitches, and lost blood. But what happened after we had him restrained for his own safety, that I'll never forget, watching those tormented eyes focus, shift and something inside shifted. I always laughed when he used to say you can't kill what's already dead. Now I know how he survived those suicide attempts in 2006, he wasn't joking. You see he always said there was a part of him, locked so deep down even the demon was afraid of what existed there, today it got free, a name I've heard before Hunter Silverblood. Until today I thought you were coldest person I'd ever met, you broke...

He was lucid today, at least for a little while, pieces of him shining through. I could smile to know somewhere insiade all that darkness he's still there. Then it comes to a realisation that whatever is left of him, is drowning slowly. I have cried every night for the last 2 weeks, had to watch him suffer, trapped inside whatever nightmare he's in. It's funny he was always afraid of letting that darkness free, letting the nightmare he worked so hard to keep under wraps. And now, now my little one you've become his nightmare, it's you that hunts him, I read his reports. Partly because it's my job, largerly because I care for this guy so fucking deeply I'm ashamed of what I'VE done to him. I started this chain reaction. But there's always one constant as he twists and turns during the night, cries in his sleep, screams in pain, it's your name he's crying out. You are the one hunting him now. And I put you on that path, I created his bigges...

He put the world on the line for you, and you stab him through the heart? I don't get it. I thought you love him? Thought you wanted to see the dark within and to help him thrive? It was strange to watch, a man who had lost everything, his whole world ripped from him, and honestly because of you. But he didn't care he just wanted you, I watched the two sides evolve and the grey fade away. You took the pieces and put them together. You made him work, the darkness grew but instead of it poisoning him like before, being tucked away and hidden, you let it thrive, gave it life to and made him whole in a way I've not seen. He was happy, and ready to face the world. One act, one choice and everything you built you tore away and buried. It wasn't slow like before watching him fall apart piece but a sudden instant collapse. You should have put that knife across his throat and took his life, it would have been more humane than the tortured shattered shell of what exists in hi...

I'm pretty sure i watched a good man die today, not really but his spirit. You see this man gave everything to a woman, and she repaid him with a betrayal so cold. The same girl he's been talking about here. He was arrested Friday after risking everything to spend time with her, she repaid him with a bogus charge and after his release in the late hours of Saturday, he cut deep. I was ready to clock off and go home to my darling Emily, a little with a heart of gold. When I heard his name on the radio call, I rushed to the A&E department as thery brought him in, he smiled weak, but he saw me, and then I saw it fade, that vibrant spirit that was truly second to none I'd ever met. It took 140 stitches, to stop him bleeding out, I was thankful in the weary hours of that morning, I called his ex gf to let her know he wouldn't be there to see their children, to let her know he had survived but would likely be gone for a while. They admitted him to the psych ward yester...

It sucks when you're headed for a break, that wall you hit so hard that no piece of you survives. The last gasp effort to stop it only makes the collision that much faster. Love makes us strong, but it's also the reason most people break so bad. It's definately the reason I'm about to shatter so spectacularly. But not the love I thought, sure that sucks but, your that's the one that started this. It took a while to see through the anger and frustration, but you are at the heart and soul of everything.

This is hard, like harder than I ever thought possible. What's weird is I know my priorities are backward, that I shouldn't feel how I do. I do though and that is the part that kills. Losing you was the start of a slide I couldn't stop. It's Ok because I don't blame you, should have known better and protected you better. i failed you so I guess I had it coming. Maybe not to lose everything, that stung. But doesn't matter now the way forward would be clear for us, not that you will ever see this because why should you care? We could be together now, in my head I've had this conversation a thousand times. But then flashes of our last conversation kick me in the heart, I don't buy you don't care, I showed you more of the world than anyone. You were in love with me and I still love you. I shouldn't, really shouldn't but I do. You have a life now, though I doubt it's better than the freedom to be yourself that I gave you. I hope that confi...

I should hate you, of all the things I shouldn't care. But I do and it's been a constant barrage since. I'm not angry with you, I get you were just trying to protect yourself, hell so was I. But the things you said about me not really caring are so far from the truth. I did care and I hated how screwed up things got. Especially how fast it went south, and of course losing you. Here's the worst part though, I watched my world fall apart, so quickly from having everything to be being left with nothing. A few very dark and very low days, and as the fog clears you're on my mind. You shouldn't be, you shouldn't be in my head but I can't clear the thoughts. I can't clear the fact that apparently I still care and a lot more than  thought or even should. I wonder if I reached out how would you react, we can be together now, the way we wanted to be. No more hiding, no more second girl. You would be first and priority as you always should have been. I'...